Exclusive: New transcript of Signal chat
[SATIRE]
I have obtained a new transcript of the Signal conversation between high-level government officials and journalist Jeffrey Goldberg and am publishing it here in full in the public interest.
Michael Walz: Team—establishing a principles group for coordination on Houthis. Send your emoji to the Signal chat to acknowledge this message.
Pete Hegseth: 🥃
Tulsi Gabbard: 🤙
Marco Rubio: 👦🏻
JD Vance: ✝️
Stephen Miller: 👹
Jeffrey Goldberg: 🎤
Michael Walz: Team—we need to sequence the events in the coming days of when we’re going to bomb Yemen for the optics and how we will blame Biden for the dead kids.
JD Vance: Team. I’m out today visiting furniture showrooms in Michigan. But I think we’re making a big mistake. 3 percent of US trade runs through the suez. 40 percent of European trade does. There’s a real risk that the American public doesn’t understand this or why it’s necessary. We need a plan for how to deal with their ignorance.
Stephen Miller: IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH!
Michael Walz: From a messaging standpoint, we absolutely add this to the list on why Europeans must invest in their own defense.
Pete Hegseth: Totally. But the 200% tariff on European wine and spirits, that one’s a bluff, right?
JD Vance: I’m suggesting we wait a few weeks, maybe a month. Anyway, we may not have to. Israel always wants to take action on war.
Stephen Miller: WAR IS PEACE!
Pete Hegseth: VP. I understand your concerns—and fully support you raising w/POTUS. But we’re prepared to execute. Plus, POTUS wants this, and it’d be a real bummer if we couldn’t send our fully equipped F-18s and fire off sea-based Tomahawks and MQ-9 drones to accomplish our mission.
Michael Walz sets messages to “Oops! Disappear fast!”
JD Vance: I’m not sure the president is aware how inconsistent this is with his message on Europe right now.
Marco Rubio: Wow. Daddy’s not going to like this.
Michael Walz: We spin this as the US is restoring freedom to shipping. Full stop.
Stephen Miller: FREEDOM IS SLAVERY!
Michael Walz: 👊🇺🇸🔥
Pete Hegseth: I fully share your loathing of European free-loading. It’s PATHETIC. But why are their vegetables better?
JD Vance: I won’t stand in the way of dropping bombs. I will say a prayer for victory over a desperately poor and largely defenseless civilian population.
Pete Hegseth: We should act now. We’re ready, and if this leaks, we look indecisive.
Michael Walz: It will never leak. Zero chance. Nil. Nada. Zip. Trust me.
Pete Hegseth: Witkoff, you haven’t chimed in. Are you in Russia right now?
Witkoff: Da.
Michael Walz: Do you have anything to add?
Witkoff: Nyet.
Pete Hegseth: We’ll reconnect once the bombing starts. In the meantime, who knows where I can get Ice around the Pentagon.
Marco Rubio: I’ve got Homan on speed dial for student deportations. Someone said “Palestine”?
Pete Hegseth: I need ice for my drink. Which is definitely not alcoholic. You said Homan has ice?
Tulsi Gabbard: Aloha. Anyone have a current address for Bashar Al-Assad? I have a sweater I should return.
Pete Hegseth: We’re getting off topic. More to follow (per timeline). Tomorrow night’s meeting starts at happy hour, I mean, 4 pm. We’re convening at the Dirty Water sports bar to prep the invasion of Canada. Their backroom is usually empty at that time, so it’s practically a SCIF. We’ll be going hybrid, which means I’ll send over the Zoom link for those who can’t make it. But don’t share it with anybody this time. Let’s stay clean on OPSEC. Godspeed to our Warriors.
Steve Witkoff: 🙏🙏💪🇺🇸🇺🇸